


This Little Light of Mine

by P_Artsypants



Series: Of Mustard and Three Foot Purple Tongues [7]
Category: Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, F/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 22:43:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16585670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_Artsypants/pseuds/P_Artsypants
Summary: In Which Starfire fades, and as leader, Robin sets out to bring her spark back.





	This Little Light of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> After years of being on this site, I've realized that this is a place where you can anonymously releases your troubles and pains. Well, the most effective way of me to do that, is to write (or draw) a character that can sympathize with me. That's how most of my stories are born. That and dreams...Anyway, this is mostly a little emptying out of emotions and frustrations. I tried to give it a plot, but it's kind of jumpy. The painting analogies are because I'm an artist. They're pretty simple, because you can look up the Artists I mention for more info.
> 
> This story is dedicated (The good parts at least) to my best friend, ThisisEntertaining. Em, without you being with me through all the trials that life has recently thrown me, I surely would have gone insane. Thanks for being my friend, despite the crap I put you through. You deserve such a better friend then me, but I'm glad you put up with me anyways. Love you forever and always!

It was a slow fade. We didn't realize it at first, but as the days moved on, her smiles became less and less frequent, less bright, less…genuine. Her bright jade eyes were downcast most of the time. Her physique that was normally bright and perky, was deflated, shy, hurt. Even her hair looked like it was turning gray. I honestly don't know what started it. There was a time when we were blinded but her emotions. Her type was proud of feelings, they were a strength, not a weakness. That's what always puzzled her about me, since I always hide my emotions. She became good at reading me, only because she really cared. Something about her is different. Something inside her died.

I remembered when I noticed it. She started taking meals in her room, claiming she was feeling ill. She did this for a straight week and I checked her into the medical bay.

Nothing wrong. No virus detections, so fever or aches. She just felt 'unwell.' I asked her what it was.

"Stomach feel funny? Nausea?"

"No…I just feel…" she sighed. "Do you understand?"

"I don't know…I'm sorry…" I apologized.

"It is fine…" She sauntered away.

After that, I kept a close eye on her. Days passed between smiles, hours between words. She wasn't sad or angry, it was just a look of…nothing. It's like she couldn't feel anymore. I felt it in my heart, like she was sucking the emotion from me. The whole team was weighed down. Even BB stopped telling jokes to lift our spirits up. She reminded me of a ghost, just passing through. She even looked paler then normal. I was so afraid.

Finally, I saw a spark of life when we were called to battle. We faced Slade in an old clock, his preferred lair. Giant cogs rotated around, and hammers and pumps littered the walls and floors. The faces of the clocks were covered outside, but he activated the gears. The dim lights of the machine just barely illuminated the arena.

"Welcome, my friends." He spoke with a poisonous tongue.

"Go!" I shouted, before he could make any other quips. Each one of us went up against him. And each one of us failed. He grabbed my head and slammed it into the metal of the ground. My temples throbbed. I fought the longest, the hardest. I hated him, and I was going to be the one to beat him.

Or so I thought. His boot pressed against my face. Liquid poured from my brow. Whether it was blood or sweat, I didn't know.

"Come on Robby, you can do better than that. Or can't you? I can feel something wrong with your team. I'm just hoping I was the one to cause it."

I grit my teeth in pain.

"Get off of him." A simple whimper of a threat came from behind us.

"Really? Or what?" We both looked to see Star standing with her fist at her sides. She had no facial expression but blood dripped from her chin from their tangle.

"You do not wish to know what will happen." She spoke as an apparition.

Slade lifted his foot, only to have it slam back down, hard. I screamed in protest.

"Leave your boyfriend," he taunted, "you and I have no business fighting. We already went our round."

"Slade," she articulated with a tone ringing in her voice. "I will not warn you again."

"Don't make me laugh." He turned away.

There was only a split second opening in what happened. I saw her eyes and fists glow green, and then she pushed off the ground. Slade was thrown from me, and sent careening into the wall. From there, she used his body to break through the wall, and they plummeted to the city below.

"Starfire!" I shouted, my body protesting movement. I raced to the hole and looked down. Horrorstruck, I felt the ground shake as they hit the ground at an alarming rate.

"What's wrong with her?" Raven asked. If even she didn't know, this was very serious.

"I need to get down there."

Taking my cue, she created a platform and lowered us to the ground. I ran to the crater where my breath stopped. Starfire had Slade pinned and was mercilessly wailing on him. His mask was broken and his face was exposed. But that's not what scared me.

Slade was completely unconscious, but Starfire was punching as hard and as rapidly as she could, like he was awake and telling her he had blown up Tamaran and killed all of us. She screamed profanities that I had taken care not to use in front of her.

One of his legs was bent awkwardly, a bone projecting from his thigh. His face was unidentifiable with the amount of blood staining it. Her fists were coated as well. If she hadn't killed him already, he'd be dead with only a few more hits. He was still a life, and no matter how much I wanted her to finish him off, it was not allowed.

I jumped in the crater and grabbed her hand. "Stop it! You're going to kill him."

She turned her head and looked at me. Her glance was of pure hatred, hellfire burned from deep within. Her teeth were bared and clenched in defense. "Why are you trying to stop me?!"

"Star…You know we can't kill."

"Why?! This man is not innocent! He has filled so many graves, broken so many families! He causes you so much pain! Why have you not killed him? It is too hard?!"

"No! Starfire listen to me!" I grabbed her other arm and spun her around to face me. Raven checked on Slade's vitals. Beast Boy and Cyborg had just arrived on the scene. "It'd be too damn easy to kill him! But you put yourself in a hole. You think that, 'I need to kill him to stop him,' and you think he will be the only one you will need to kill. But then someone else will take his place. You'll dig deeper and deeper until the only evil that's left is you." I hated the sound of desperation that was in my voice. "We can't afford to sink that low, to their level."

She looked at Slade, her eyes still glowing. "I do not care, I have already murdered in the past! I can go back in that hole! That is where I belong!" She fought in my grip, weakly though.

I gripped her tighter and shook her. "What's wrong with you!? Are you listening to yourself!? You want to murder?! You want me to send you to jail!? So help me God, I will Starfire! Do you understand!?"

Her head lulled forward as her hair hid her face. She wasn't fighting anymore. What was I doing? She was in pain, something was wrong with her. She needed my kindness and friendship, not my condemnation. I dropped her arms and wrapped mine around her.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" I whispered as I clutched her tightly. She released a mournful sigh and sunk to her knees. Still though, she had not given any facial indication of her pain.

"He's still alive," Raven cut in, "but not for long. Cyborg called the paramedics, they're on their way."

"Okay, thanks Raven." I spoke. Starfire's forehead rested on my shoulder. While waiting for the medics, I carried her up to the T-car and set her in the back seat. "Don't worry about anything, okay? I'll cover for you."

As I was about to close the door, she gave a small tug on my cape. "Yes?"

"If I were to become a murder…would you hate me?"

"I make it a point not to hate anyone. There's no way I could ever hate you." I smiled.

"I hope so…" she whispered as she let go.

That hurt me more than I ever could have imagined. I couldn't stand it. What the hell was wrong with her? I reached out and gave her a kiss on her temple. She looked at me with an unreadable expression. It was sort of a mixer of a questioning glance, shock, and awe. "Everything is fine." I re-iterated and then left.

Back at the scene, news reporters had showed up and Beast Boy was trying to entertain them until I came back. At his sad attempt at juggling, I think he was failing.

The reporter saw me coming and signaled the camera man to start rolling.

"Snapper Carr here, downtown Jump city where our heroes are cleaning up from what looks like a nasty fight." He turned to me. "Robin, can you tell us what happened?"

I was expecting them, but I was not sure exactly what I was going to say. "It's hard to describe what happened. Slade's always given us trouble, but he was too cocky and underestimated us. It's safe to say that he will be going to prison in a full body cast."

"Why is there a crater?" Snapper asked.

"Uh…well, Slade forced one of our teammates out of the wall up there, and she gained the upper hand by pushing him while they fell…" I did the math quick in my head. "Normally the height would be about 100 feet, but with the speed they picked up, it was like falling from a 300 foot drop. So, the speed would have been around 88 m/s or 314 km/h and they hit the ground with approximately 488972 joules of energy. Given that my math is correct, the force would be strong enough to break the pavement, the way it did."

Snapper Carr looked at me as if I was eating out of a jar of mayonnaise. "Well there you have it folks! Now we know why Robin's the leader."

I hoped that making the crater about math rather than the fight would deter interest. The last thing Starfire needed was a group of protesters outside the tower, calling her a hazard. Slade was rushed off to the hospital, detours were set up, police reports were filled out, and we headed home.

The car ride was quiet, as no one wanted to speak. You didn't need to have Raven's powers to know that everyone was afraid of Starfire now. She was unstable and could snap at anytime.

Cyborg pulled into the garage.

"Alright team, before breaking for the night, make sure to get any and all wounds treated."

Starfire ignored me and sauntered inside where she disappeared.

It was late. Cyborg had patched me up and in turn, I fixed him and Beast Boy up. Raven said that she could take care of herself, but thanked us for our concern. One member had not checked into the medical bay though, and I remembered her bloody knuckles when I placed her in the car. Problem was, I was nervous to approach her. I was never the best with words or comforting and I didn't want to make things worse. Still, she needed her hands wrapped, and I was the only one willing to do it. I gathered the hydrogen peroxide, some cotton balls, and bandages and went to her room. I wanted her to feel comfortable, so I opted out of my uniform in favor of a white T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. I kept my mask though.

I knocked lightly on the door. "H-hey Star? Can I come in?" A hum was the reply, and I took it as a yes.

She looked beautiful. She sat on her neatly made bed in a long white T-Shirt and gray yoga pants. Her hair looked like it was still drying from a shower, as was crimping. Her knees were pulled into her chest as her arms wrapped around them, her head poised neatly on top. The window blind was open, bathing her in moonlight. The scene reminded me of a painting, an Edward Hopper to be exact. One of those random things I remembered from all of Bruce's parties at Art Galleries.

"It has taken you a long time to come here. I was waiting for you."

Ouch. "Sorry…I'm not good at this kind of stuff. But I'm definitely concerned…I just didn't want to hurt you more."

"It would not matter." She sighed.

I took a seat next to her. "Give me your hand." She did. I dabbed the saturated cotton ball on her knuckles and heard her wince. "Sorry, I'm trying to be gentle…"

"I know. It is alright."

Silence passed as I cleaned and bandaged one hand. The air was tense and honestly, I wanted to run. My hands were shaking as I cleaned her other hand. This was wrong. It was all wrong.

"What happened to you?" I tried to be subtle, I really did, but that's just not my strong point.

She looked away. "It is nothing."

"If it's nothing, it wouldn't be bothering you so much. So we both know that's a lie."

"I do not wish to bring it up. It is my problem."

I finished wrapping her other hand and then took both of them in mine. "Starfire, you're the one that's always telling me to share my burdens. You know that's the healthy thing to do. Sometimes I forget that people care about me enough to share my problems, but you…" I touched her cheek lightly. "You have so many people that love you and care about you. You don't have to do this alone."

She looked out at the moon. "But…I do not know who to share with. I do not know who could handle listening to me. Everyone has their own problems, they don't need mine as well."

"You sound so much like me right now." I smiled. She looked at me, perplexed. "Tell me what's wrong, Star. I may not do well with the whole 'feelings' thing, but if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen." I tried to make my voice soft and tender. "I'm saying this not because I'm your leader, or your teammate, but because you're my best friend. You can tell me anything. I won't judge."

"You won't get mad at me?"

"No, I won't get mad at you."

She turned towards me completely, folding her legs Indian style. She returned my grip on her hands, almost as a reassurance to herself. She gulped and then spoke with a steady breath. "I've been…feeling things. Feelings that are not positive. I know it is my job to keep the peace and be happy…but…I tried to bottle up what I was feeling. I didn't want everyone to be angry with me for thinking certain things. So I just did not say a thing. To anyone.

"As time passed, the thoughts changed, but the feelings got worse as I tried to suppress them, but it got overwhelming. I couldn't keep up the façade and I let the emotions grip me. You know that my powers are based on emotion, so naturally I starting going with the strongest feeling. But my flight comes from joy, my starbolts from righteous fury, and my strength from confidence. But I have not been feeling these, and it makes me angry that I cannot function as I normally do. It makes me sad and guilty that I am hurting my friends, and it confuses me, because I do not understand some of the emotions I am feeling. I'm worried that I will not get back to normal and I'm scared for…"

"Scared for what?"

"Just scared." She was lying, but I didn't press it. It'll come out eventually.

"What exactly is making you feel like this?"

"Different things…doesn't matter. I just don't know how to let it out."

"You did okay on the confidence when you fought Slade." I offered.

"I was confident only because you were in pain. I didn't mean to take it as far as I did…"

"Were you trying to relieve yourself?"

"Maybe…On Tamaran, we often fought each other when we were angry. I have to be so careful now, because I am so much stronger than everyone else…"

"So fighting would help you?"

"I don't know…honestly, I haven't come up with an effective way to relieve anything yet…"

"What did you try?"

"Fighting, screaming into a pillow, counting to ten, going on a walk, listening to music, playing the 'games on video'; I used to go on flights, but I can't anymore." Sudden panic hit her.

"Hmm?"

"You promise you will not hate me?"

"I promise."

"You will not find me disgusting or become afraid?"

I was worried about what she was about to say next. "I absolutely promise."

She bit her lip and slowly turned her hands over. "I just want this all to stop."

I looked down at her arms. Tears pricked at my eyes at the sight. Deep red ribbons of self-inflicted sorrow decorated her arms, which would normally be covered by her armbands, so no one would know. I stared in disbelief. This was not happening.

"You didn't…"

She looked down, humiliated. "I'm sorry…I don't know what to do." Tears formed in her eyes. "I'm scared." She confessed. "Please help me…Robin, I don't know what to do!"

I rubbed her arms, my thumbs grazing the edges of the marks. I didn't know what to do or say. Why didn't I know about this earlier? Why couldn't I help her? Why couldn't I do anything? A purely revolting thought gripped me. She was imperfect. She was damaged, marred…broken. And still the closest friend I had ever had. My heart broke for her as I looked at the still fresh wounds. I closed my eyes in discomfiture of the whole situation.

"You are disappointed with me. I have failed you."

I looked to her. "Why would you think that?"

"You have let me become close to you…and in return I have hurt you, I am sorry, I should not have even told you." She pulled her arms away from me. "Please forget what I have said."

"No!" I gripped her hands before she could completely pull away. "Don't do this. If anyone has failed, it's me." It was time to break the chains, stop hiding. She needed me, and that was the only excuse that was needed. "I haven't let you all the way in. Not intentionally. I've been trained to hide myself, not to open up. But you still got in here and shook me." I touch my chest. "But there's no good reason why I should lock you out."

"Please stop. Do not do this to make me feel better…you will regret it."

"No, I regret not doing it earlier!" I peeled off my mask and looked into her eyes.

She stared at me in shock as she took in my appearance.

"My birth name is Richard Grayson. I was raised in a circus, and was part of the acrobatic group 'The Flying Graysons.' A crime boss killed my parents when we were on tour in Gotham city. Bruce Wayne witnessed the event and generously paid for my parents funeral and even took me in as his foster son. Soon, I found out that he was Batman and he began to train me, only because I told him I wanted to avenge my parents by bringing their murder to justice. I took up the name of Robin after what my mom called me when I was little, since I was born on the first day of spring. My uniform is based off of the one I was wearing the day they died. Sometimes I miss working with Bruce, since he trained me and he was the closest thing I ever had to a family. My other partner, Batgirl, was Barbara and I had a crush on her, but she's a few years older than me, so it was weird. I still have nightmares of the day my parents died, and all I want to do is wake everybody up and watch movies to rid the bad memories away. I'm afraid that Slade is actually Anthony Zucco, the crime boss, and he's hunting me down to finish the job. I actually like Beast Boy's cooking, Raven freaks the hell out of me, Cyborg never fixes my bike the way I like it, and I'm allergic to carrots!" I finished all in one breath.

She blinked at me. "Your eyes are blue."

"Just like my mom's."

"Why? Why have you said this to me? I do not understand…"

I grabbed her forearms. "Because that's what best friends do, they confess everything to each other. They depend on each other in times of need. They don't hold things back."

"And you have told me everything?"

I gulped. "There's one more thing. And it's the hardest to confess."

She leaned in in anticipation.

"I…" I raised my gloveless hands to her face. "I love you."

Her reaction is not one I was expecting. She frowned. "You are lying to make me feel better."

"What? No!"

"You are incapable of loving someone. You value your job higher than everyone else. There is no way that you-"

"Damn it Starfire! You think I would have taken this mask off for just anyone? I'm too selfish for that!" The desperation in my voice was back again. "I wish I didn't have to wear this stupid thing, but I do! Any other human being would recognize me as Dick Grayson without it, and then Batman's identity would be revealed. That fact that I showed you proves that I trust you with not only my life, but my only other family! Besides, the mask hides my eyes, and my eyes give away what I'm feeling. Look at them, do you see malice? You're the last person I would ever lie too Star, I'm sorry that I have to say that."

She looked away. "I…I am sorry." A tear slipped down her cheek. "I just…" More tears slipped down her cheeks.

"No, I'm sorry for yelling. I promise you though, I'm here for you one hundred percent. We're going to get you help."

"I do not wish to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist."

"Okay. Well, there are other things we can do."

"Like what?"

I paused. "I have an idea, but it's late and I can't check into it right now."

"Do you wish to go to sleep?"

"We both probably should, it's been a long day."

"I cannot. I have not slept all week."

"Would it help if I stayed in here with you?"

She nodded silently.

I got off the bed and pulled the covers back. She crawled underneath and pulled the blanket up to her chin. I snuggled in next to her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

She turned her head and looked up at me. "Thank you Rob…Richard."

I merely kissed her forehead in reply.

—

In the morning, she was awake before me. I guess that she still did not sleep well, but didn't ask. She laid her head against my shoulder and gripped my shirt by my stomach.

"When you get up, pack your suitcase for a couple of days, and get dressed in civilian clothes. Where we're going, it's a long drive and we may take a couple rest stops for food."

"Where  _are_  we going?"

"You'll see." I kissed her forehead again and got up. Before leaving the room, I put my mask on. Good thing too, because I ran into Beast Boy in the hall.

"Dude, were you in there all night?"

"Yep."

He wagged his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

"Starfire and I are taking a trip. I think I figured out what will help."

"DUDE! You're taking her on VA-KAY, but you won't let US GO?!"

"Beast Boy. You aren't depressed. And this trip isn't a vacation." I said seriously, then went into my own room.

"BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!" he shouted from outside. I ignored him.

Before I started packing, I had a call to make. I removed my mask again, and opened my laptop. After connecting with the bat computer, my old mentor's face popped up on the screen. He looked startled for a second, since he hadn't been expecting me to call.

"Dick, nice to see your eyes for once." He said plainly.

"I have a favor."

"What? More money for hairgel or tires? I just filled the account last month." He said as he continued to type.

"No…it's actually a pretty big favor."

He looked in interest. I explained everything that Starfire had said, trying my best to translate it so that Bruce would understand. As I continued, his expression became more grave.

"…and I don't know exactly  _what_  is bothering her, but if we could somehow release some of that pent up frustration, maybe she would open up."

He was quiet a long time, digesting everything. "Normally, I would have scolded you for revealing my identity, but I think your justified in this case. I have an idea. I'll tell Alfred to make your rooms up."

"Thanks a ton Bruce. You can expect us in…" I did the math quick in my head. "Damn, 45 hours."

"44 if you take the bypass."

"Cool. See you then."

I packed my bag and put on one of the few civilian outfits I had, wearing shades to cover my eyes instead of my mask. I took my bag into the common room and set it next to Starfire's…suitcase? It looked like some sort of animal, but in other ways, like a purse. The rest of the team looked in awe.

"What?" I asked like nothing was wrong. I sat down at the counter next to Starfire and dished up on waffles.

"So Robby, BB tells us you two lovebirds are going on a trip." Cyborg asked sourly.

"A business trip."

"Why are you in civvies then?"

"Undercover." I rested my fork down. "Which reminds me, I need to borrow the T-car."

"What?! No."

"Please?"

"Just because you're the only other person I would allow to drive it, and you're the leader, doesn't mean you get it without telling me where you're going! Details man! Details!"

"You'll be in charge while we're gone. I'll do your chores for two weeks, and, to sweeten the deal, I'll let you give BB a swirly, while Raven records it and then let you upload it to YouTube as an official inside look at Titans Tower."

"Dude!" Beast Boy cried.

Raven looked up from her book. This was something she did not mind being roped into.

Cyborg's face was completely stoic as he summoned his keys and tossed them to me.

I caught them while sipping my coffee.

—

The car ride was long and uncomfortable. Starfire usually would have been chatty the whole time, but now she was completely silent. Within the first hour, I requested her kindly to put in the Radiohead CD in the console. She did so, just as silently as she had done everything else.

_I might be wrong. I might be wrong. I could have sworn I saw a light coming on. I used to think, I used to think…There was no future left at all. I used to think._

My mind began to wander as we drove. We were out of the city, and now just driving through open desert. We must have been halfway through California.

_Start again begin again. Let's go down the waterfall, think about the good times and never go back, Never go back. What would I do? What would I do? If I did not have you?_

I hated listening to this band. Every single stinking time, I felt like they were reading my mind. I wondered if Star was feeling the same way. Maybe it was just coincidence.

_Open up, let me in. Let's go down the waterfall, have ourselves a good time. It's nothing at all. Nothing at all. Never look back._

There was a small throbbing in my chest and I knew exactly what was causing it. The fact that I told Star exactly how I felt, and yet, she had apologized and not given me a response. How's that for rejection?

_In pitch dark, I go walking in your landscape. Broken branches trip me as I speak. Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there. Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there._

Thom Yorke, thou art a clairvoyant jerk. I went through the CD's in the car mentally. Every other Radiohead CD, an unopened Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, a Eminem album; which I was not playing with Starfire in the car, a Portishead CD, and Beast Boy's Justin Bieber CD.

Slim pickin's.

_There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck. Steer away from those rocks, we'd be a walking disaster. Don't reach out. Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there. Someone on your shoulder… Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there._

"The man singing, he is very wise." Starfire spoke.

I hummed in reply.

 _Why so blue and lonely? Lonely, lonely? Heaven sent you to me. To me, to me? We are accidents waiting. Waiting to happen_.

I looked to Star as out of the corner of my eye. She had her forehead rested on the cool glass. Her hair draped gently over her shoulder. Her eyes where half closed in a hypnotic way to the music. Her breath was visible on the pane with each exhale. A sigh escaped her lips as the red dust swirled in the background. Reminded me of a different painting. A Van Gogh, or maybe it was a Picasso? I couldn't remember, but it had essences of both. Van Gogh's bright colours and the thick, swirling lines of the clouds and her hair. But the soft detail and the sad feeling of Picasso's blue period.

I had remembered more from back then than I had thought.

We stopped for lunch and for dinner. I decided to drive through the night, since I wanted to get there as soon as possible. Around two o'clock, I stopped to get gas, and noticed that Star was fast asleep. She needed her rest, and I decided to let her sleep. I enveloped her in a blanket from the back. Inside the gas station, I bought a Dr. Pepper for me and a bottle of mustard for her.

We arrived at Gotham late at night, regardless, Bruce was up and waiting for us.

"Was the bypass faster?"

"Not by much."

"Alfred has your rooms made up. Rest up, my 'idea' is taking place in the morning."

"Thanks."

I held her hand as I escorted her to her room. "Tomorrow is a new day Star. But even so, I can't guarantee what Bruce has in mind will help you. I sure hope it does, but we can't be sure. But I promise, I won't rest until I see your electric smile on your face again."

"What if it never comes back? If I remain like this…will you still love me?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

"Robin, you have acted so differently towards me since this incident. It is a part of you that you rarely show."

I chuckled. "It's the real me. The part of me that isn't a hero or a leader. When I'm with you, I can just be normal."

"I am glad you feel that I am trustworthy of that," she said sullenly. "I enjoy seeing you as a normal human." She leaned her cheek against mine. "I am glad that you are here with me…down in this hole. I do not know what I would do if I was alone in this endeavor. But you must promise me…" We stopped outside her room. She gripped my hands tightly, but not enough to hurt. "If it becomes too much, you must leave me down here. There will be no hope for us if we are both lost."

I nodded in understanding. "But let's hope things do not come to that." I slipped my arms around her waist and held her. She placed her hands on my chest.

"I think I will be able to sleep well tonight." She gave me a brief kiss on the cheek.

—

The next morning, after breakfast, Bruce called us into the training room/bunker. This is where he tested his heavy artillery, or fired heavy at us while we tried to avoid it. This room held fond memories of me watching Barbara run around in panic as Bruce fired round after round of lasers.

"What's the plan Bruce?" I asked, curious.

"You'll see." He smirked.

The elevator on the other side of the room dinged and opened. My unmasked eyes widened and I hurried to hide my face. Star was fuming, her hands glowing.

"What is he doing here?!" Star screamed.

"He's going to help you."

Across from us, Slade stood steady and complacent, not saying a word.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" I shouted to my mentor. "She'll kill him! I was the only thing that held her back the last time! He's going to make this worse!"

"So what if she kills him? I won't tell, will you?"

"Well, no…I couldn't…but…"

"There's no consequences. I don't care if that scumbag dies. Go get him Star, and don't forget to hold nothing back." He addressed as he walked away.

She looked to Slade who beaconed her to 'bring it'. I heard her growl.

"Wait till we get to safety. This is your fight, we won't stop you." Bruce grabbed my shoulder and pulled me from the room.

"Bruce, this is madness!" I whispered. "One of them is going to die, and I know Starfire wouldn't let herself die!"

"Oh, don't get your squamous panties in a bunch. That's not really Slade. He's a new member of the league called Nine Lives. He's immortal. She could rip him limb from limb and he'd piece himself back together. He becomes stronger the more pain he's in. Plus he's a therapist in his free time."

I gawped in shock. "You…how…you're good."

"They wouldn't let me Batman if I wasn't." He smiled.

We arrived at the control panel that was hidden by a one-way mirror. Bruce rang the bell for the session to start, and right off the bat, the ring glowed green. Starfire ran and tackled 'Slade', and punched him much like she had done before in the previous fight. None Lives was able to fling her off and attacked her back, not furiously though.

The fight lasted for hours. Star skipped lunch and dinner and I could see her slowing down. Finally, somewhere around seven o'clock, what we had been waiting for finally happened. The man had been talking to her as they fought, disguising his questions as taunts. She had not answered them, except with shouts.

"Now come on my dear, tell me what is wrong. You seem so angry!"

"I hate you!"

"Why? Why do you hate me?"

"Because Robin hates you!"

"And that is all the reason you need?"

"He hates you, and you cause him grief and make his life miserable!"

"And so why do you care? It's not your life."

"It may as well be! He is my life!" she confessed.

"Oh really?"

"He is my dearest friend! The only person who has truly tried to understand me!"

"What is so hard to understand?"

"There is more to me then what people believe! I am not just the strange little alien! I am not stupid or naïve! I just do not understand everything and chose to trust willingly! I am aware of what they are saying about me! I know what the tabloids and the media promote me as! But I cannot do a thing about it! I am a princess but have been treated like a slave my entire life! My own family has deserted me! I have no home! I do not belong anywhere!"

Things all started to make sense. I knew she wasn't just developing 'feelings' for no reason. She was listening to lies being told. My heart grew heavy with every word she said.

"I must always hide myself away, my true emotions have to stay hidden! I am not allowed to be angry or sad! No matter what happens…no matter how many men look at me in a degrading way, no matter how many mothers pull their children away from me, no matter how many friends yell at me for trying to be positive in a situation worse than theirs, I mustn't let them see me cry! I must pretend that I still love my sister, even though she is the one who sold me into slavery! I must pretend that the tabloids that spread lies about me sleeping with people, are only trying to make money so their workers can eat! I must pretend I like being on earth, where everyone is cruel and I do not understand anything, and I have to lie about myself, even my name! Just to have a home!" She delivered a final punch and sent him backwards.

He sensed that she had released what she was holding back, and pretended to faint.

Starfire panted. Her shoulders raising and sinking. She looked exhausted. Finally, she sank to her knees and lowered her head.

"That's your cue." Bruce nudged me.

I ran down the steps leading to the control room and went to her. She was slightly shaking. I didn't want to see her cry, I hated it when she did. Nevertheless, I kneeled down beside her and touched her shoulder.

Another painting. Definitely a Jackson Pollock. And orange wash to set the tone. A thick slathering of rose red. Two splashes of emotive green, with black splatters to sharpen the image. Finally, pure diamond drops running down the canvas and trickling off. A masterpiece.

"Star…" I whispered, my heart in my throat.

Her lips curled up ever so slightly. "It was not until I said those things out loud that I realized how silly they were to let them get to me."

"They aren't silly. Star, you had every reason to be upset. What you said, I'm so sorry…I didn't know…"

She fervently shook her head. "Thank you." She threw her arms around me.

For what seemed like forever, she wailed into my chest. Releasing all of her pent up pain and frustrations. All I could do was hold her and sooth her. I hoped that she appreciated it. I figured she did, since my back had popped twice in her grip. I didn't mind so much though.

Suddenly, the lights in the room dimmed. Nine Lives had left while we were preoccupied. "We're leaving you two, come to the den when you're done." Bruce spoke over the speaker.

"Done with what?" Star asked innocently, sniffling a little.

I wiped some of the tears with my thumb. "Oh Bruce is just being Bruce. He's just teasing."

She blinked up at me. "We have the opportunity…"

I blushed. "W-what?" I stuttered. The boy wonder does not stutter.

"Sshh…" She whispered in my ear, sending tingles up my spine. Her nose moved across my cheek softly. Her lips teased my skin slightly. Her fingers danced about my face and up to play with my hair. She felt warm and soft as I held her in my arms, never wanting to let go.

Her callous palm rested on my cheek and her breath ghosted across me as she sighed. It sent prickles up my spine. Her other hand rested against my rib cage.

"Feeling better?" I asked after I calmed down.

"There is something else that I've been holding back," she confessed. "It's the thing I'm most afraid of."

"Well, there's nothing to be afraid of now." I smiled.

"No, there is not." She smiled back.

I closed my eyes and leaned in, waiting for my lips to connect with hers, but instead, her digits touched my face. I blinked open to see her staring at me, concentrated.

"Uhh…" I felt a little silly. Her eyes stayed firmly fixed to mine, like she was studying me. Of course, I didn't have my mask on. Her thumb rubbed against my eyebrow.

"Your eyes are childlike. The saddest blue I have ever seen." She pouted. "I see why you hide them."

"You can have all the time in the world to study them, would you just kiss me already?"

A brilliant smile burst out upon her face before she grabbed my head and pressed her lips to mine, a bit passionately for Star's attitude. My mind became a fog, and I forgot where I was. I felt like I was floating. When I came to my senses, I came to a wonderful conclusion.

I broke away from her. "Star, you're hovering."

She looked down at the ground, squealed in happiness, and resumed cuddling me to death. I didn't mind so much.


End file.
